Some Simple Guides To Moving On After Heartbreak

It's inevitable: At some point after break-up, a well-meaning friend or family member will suggest that it's time to "just move on" from the split. The advice is meant to be constructive but it's totally unhelpful; getting over the end of a relationship is easier said than done.

With that in mind, we reached out to life coaches and therapists to share small pointers on getting through the hardest, most emotional days post-break-ups. See what they had to say below.

 

 

1. Grieve the end of your relationship.

Don't let anyone rush you through the grieving process: When you give yourself permission to feel everything, you're setting the stage for moving on in a healthy, productive way,

 

"Our culture doesn’t give permission to grieve but it’s important to ride the wave and allow yourself to feel the emotions and work through them -- otherwise you will get stuck in them," she said. "Many divorcées get stuck in anger, resentment or victimization. It is through moving through [your emotions] that you are able to heal."

2. Surround yourself with good people and distance yourself from those who aren't supportive.

Rally the troops after divorce: Let your bestie regale you with her very detailed list of why your ex was wrong for you. Take your mom up on her offer for dinner this weekend. You need a support system right now. By that same token, distance yourself from people who only bring negativity into your life.

"If friends or family are being intrusive and it doesn’t feel supportive, it’s OK to let them know you aren’t in a place to discuss it with them and you just need their support," Petruk said.

3. Do something for yourself that you've been putting off.

What's the one thing you always wanted to do during your marriage but never actually addressed? Whether it's going bold with a pixie cut or finally going after that promotion at work, get it done post-split, said Deb Besinger, a life and relationship coach based in Raleigh, North Carolina.

"Knock something off your bucket list," she said. "These sorts of markers in our life are physical representations of the next chapter and remind us that we are moving forward."

4. Don't dwell on the could haves, should haves, and would haves.

Instead of replaying the mistakes you made in your relationship over and over again, show yourself some compassion and focus on what you did right, said Besinger.

"Give yourself a lot of grace and think of the ways you showed up as your authentic self in the relationship, the things you enjoyed about the other person and your time together." she said. "Also, take a minute to reflect on anything you would like to do differently when its time to date again. Dating and relationships are a practice and ideally, we grow with each experience."

5. Write a letter to your ex.

This may sound a little weird but it can be really helpful: Write down all that was left unsaid in your marriage in a letter to your ex. (This isn't something you're actually going to send to your ex so if the letter starts to take a "You Oughta Know"-turn, don't sweat it.)

"Express all your hurt, frustration, guilt, anger, sadness and memories. Let it all out -- write until you have nothing left," she said. "Then write at the end: 'I forgive you and I let you go.' Then read it over and find a way to symbolically destroy it."

6. Don't go to sleep in an empty bed.

No, this isn't the point in the list where we tell you "the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else." This is where we suggest you buy a new set of pillows and brand new comforter to make the bed feel a little less empty.

"One of the most difficult parts of being suddenly single is the loneliness – especially at night,". "Pillows will fill up your bed and make it feel more cozy. You can even snuggle with them; a body pillow was my sleeping companion for months after my divorce."

7. Rediscover an old passion -- or find a new one.

Divorce takes up lot of time and energy. Don't forget to give yourself a breather every once in a while, said Morey. Explore new and old hobbies and interests -- and sign up for dating sites/apps to find people interested in them, too.

"Find your passion," she said. "For me it was travel. For one of my clients, it was improve. It could be yoga teacher training, gardening, decorating your new place, but figure it out and start doing it."

8. Analyze the part you played in the breakdown of the relationship.

No one comes out of a failed relationship entirely guilt-free. While it is important to handle yourself with care during the months following a split, at some point, it's worth assessing the part you played in the relationship's breakdown, Petruk said.

"It’s hard to look within but doing so will help you avoid recreating the same dynamic in your next relationship," she said. "Taking responsibility for your part will help you heal and move forward with more intention and self-awareness."

9. Put a limit on your sadness.

The watch-sad-movies-on-Netflix-and-cry-in-the-fetal-position phase can't go on forever, reminded Besinger. At some point, you need to close the door on grief.

"When my clients go through a breakup, I like to suggest putting a time limit on the initial grieving," she said. "This allows you to really feel your feelings, sit in the discomfort but not get too comfortable or stuck there."

Besinger recommends starting slowly and setting feasible goal posts for yourself: "Try something like 48 hours of really wallowing and then when you get waves of sadness that are triggered unexpectedly, maybe you indulge it until dinner or for the next hour."

10. Get excited about the future.

A year from now, where do you want to be? More importantly, who do you want to be? Asking yourself open-ended questions like these will help you map out a happier and healthier future for yourself -- and your kids, if you have them.

"Let go of the old vision and in it's place, craft a new vision for your life, including doing what you've always wanted to do but didn't because you were married," she said. "It could include travel, learning languages, even going back to school or trying a totally different vocation. It's all up to you."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Beating Depression By Action

Depression can happen to anyone at any time of the year. Sometimes, holidays are the worst times for those that feel this down-in-the-dumps fear and worry and things just seem to happen to make us feel gloomy and sad. Note that this feeling happens to all of us at one time or another. How to recognize the feeling and know what to do about it is the purpose of this article. 

 

 

No one can or should ignore this feeling. It is universal and the blues are very much ingrained in our world. Music and movies are legendary in handling this subject. If the feeling is too overwhelming, then sometimes professional help is the desired action. We will just talk here about the funk of depression, the knotted thinking that nothing is right and it will only get worse. The following things are suggested to help:

1. Laughing is the best medicine is an old adage, but so true. It is amazing how when you are depressed, just laughing about something and releasing the stress, can make you feel better. If you are having trouble finding something to laugh about, maybe you can find some people to keep close that cheer you up, that you can call when you feel bad, those who you know will let you apply the "strength in numbers" theory. Invite a few good friends over just to talk and have an appetizer and you will see how much better you feel afterwards.

2. Listening to music is another key to overcoming depression. If you can just relax and let the type of music you love drift over you and enter your senses, you will find that you calm down and feel better. Even as babies in the womb, we respond to music. Maybe you will find you want to get up and dance and there is nothing wrong with that - even without a partner! Just move to the beat and let all your stress flow out of your fingertips and toes.

3. Do some work and you will find you feel less depressed. There is something about a clean bathroom, living room, or kitchen that gives most women a sense of pride and order and joy. Men sometimes enjoy doing some of the same work and experiencing the same attitudes. The point is you just need to get out and do something that moves your body. Maybe you can shoot hoops in the driveway, ride a bicycle through the neighborhood and say "HI" to a few of your neighbors. There is something to be said for just watching a sunset and realizing how mighty the world is and how we are just one part of it. That sometimes seems to put our troubles more in perspective.

4. While we are on that thought, why not try prayer when you feel depressed? Try helping out someone less fortunate. Think of hospital patients and know that they most likely have things worse than you. Yet, you see happier children and adults in some of the worst settings in the hospital. Count your blessings. Hug someone or maybe go through some old pictures of happy times with your family.

Doing productive activities will always perk you up. Think positively about your life and the things you have been given and do not dwell on the problems. Take your dog for a walk and relish in the animal's unending enjoyment at seeing you and being with you. Sometimes simple undemanding love is all we need to overcome the blue feeling.

The last suggestion may sound unusual, but here it is. EAT ICE CREAM! Yes, just swirling that cold stuff around on your tongue and all the different flavors can make you feel good! The idea is to eat something that you totally enjoy and see how hard it is to be depressed when you have your favorite food and are enjoying it. The world just seems a little better!

Of course, all the suggestions given above may not apply to everyone. But give them a try and who knows...maybe they can help just a little. Keep this list handy and the next time you are feeling a little down, find something that triggers the best response to get you to feel happy again. Be aware that when depression creeps in, you need to take action and beat the depression back to the corner where it belongs.

We all have more important things to do in life than feel blue and depressed. Keep this thought in-mind and may your life be filled with joy.

Mastercard Leads the Payments Industry Forward to a More Sustainable Future

 

• Directory of Sustainable Card Materials and Vendors Now Available
• 60+ Financial Institutions have Issued Cards Made from Recyclable, Bio-Sourced, Chlorine-Free, Degradable and Ocean Plastics

 

More than three quarters of people say they are “very concerned”  about the environment and feel companies should be doing more to address their impact on the planet . As consumers look for ways to help tackle climate change through their own positive actions, many are limiting their use of single-use plastics. To address this growing concern, Mastercard has worked with global industry players to develop a sustainable card program for all card issuers globally.  A new directory of sustainable materials and vendors for card products aims to make sustainable choice the preferred option for all financial institutions worldwide and drive enhanced innovation.

Today, Mastercard’s sustainable card offerings are available to consumers in over a dozen countries globally and more than 60 financial institutions have issued cards with approved materials made from recyclable, bio-sourced, chlorine-free, degradable and ocean plastics. These institutions include DBS Bank (Taiwan) and Crédit Agricole, as well as Santander, which will issue cards shortly. With this resource, banks can learn more about these alternatives, connect to card manufacturers and ultimately augment their own sustainability initiatives with a systemic change to their supply chain.

 

This initiative is a new milestone in a multi-year effort that will lead to the launch of Mastercard’s global certification scheme for approved sustainable cards.  It builds on the Greener Payments Partnership (GPP) formed by Mastercard and card manufacturers Gemalto, Giesecke+Devrient and IDEMIA in 2018 to establish environmental best practices and reduce first-use PVC plastic in card manufacturing.  Six billion payments cards are produced each year, typically from PVC.  These cards are replaced on average every three to four years, with discarded cards going to landfills across the world.

 

“Our goal is simple: we want to help banks offer more eco-friendly cards to consumers, and we are taking concrete steps to bring about that change.  This way, everyone benefits – it’s better for the environment, it’s better for business and it meets evolving consumer needs,” says Ajay Bhalla, president of Cyber & Intelligence, Mastercard. “We’re excited to see our efforts gaining traction in so many parts of the world and hope more organizations will join us, as we collectively use our power for good to address these urgent environmental challenges.”

 

“We’re pleased to partner with Mastercard on this important environmental initiative with the new DBS Eco Card, the first credit card in Asia made from polylactic acid — a renewable and biodegradable polymer material that emits no toxic gases during incineration,” said LIM Him Chuan, General Manager of DBS Bank (Taiwan). “With DBS and Mastercard focused on sustainability, this card underscores our commitment to protecting the environment as the way forward for everyone.”

Mastercard continues to invest in new technology and resources to bring new learnings and insight to the global market in support of sustainable choice across all payment rails. Mastercard’s Global DigiSec Lab in the UK, which works to maximize product innovation and security investments, has invested in technology that analyses the material makeup of a card to assess environmental claims on behalf of the industry, so that customers can be confident that any Mastercard they are issuing from a sustainable material has been evaluated and independently verified.  In addition, the Lab is investing in leading academic research related to environmentally friendly ways to recycle existing plastic cards.

 

“We know our customers are looking for more sustainable products and looking for ways to effect positive change in the world. This approach has enabled us to not only deliver on a consumer need but also offer a product that’s in line with our corporate sustainability values,” says Marco Briata, Head of Digital & Payments – Crédit Agricole Italia.

 

“MCB is fully committed towards protecting the environment and our local heritage. We are converting our cards portfolio to Polylactic Acid (PLA), which reduces traditional PVC use by more than 80%.  In addition, every time that a customer uses our Mastercard debit card, we make a contribution to the Mauritian Wildlife Foundation to save threatened Mauritian species through the restoration of entire ecosystems,” says Stephanie Ng Tseung, Head of Cards at MCB.

 

Inspiring Environmentally Conscious Choices

Mastercard makes Environmental, Social, and Governance (ESG) central to its business model; applying the full scale and scope of technology, partnerships and people to pioneer inclusive and sustainable growth for all.  The company has an extensive track record in creating products, services, partnerships and experiences that enable consumers to make sustainable consumption choices that are better for the planet – easily, intuitively, to their benefit.

 

The Priceless Planet Coalition (PPC) is a platform to unite corporate sustainability efforts and make meaningful investments to preserve the environment. Together with partners who share a commitment to doing well by doing good, PPC is pledging to plant 100 million trees over five years, inspiring positive consumer action.  Additionally, a partnership with the Swedish fintech startup Doconomy enables consumers to track, understand and take accountability of their environmental footprint through digital tools that set a new standard for purpose-driven payment solutions.  The company has also recently joined RE100, furthering its commitment to renewable energy, and set a new ambitious Greenhouse Gas Emissions target to meet a 1.5°C, approved by The Science Based Target Initiative (SBTi).  To learn more about Mastercard’s commitment to environmental sustainability, please visit https://www.mastercard.us/en-us/vision/corp-responsibility/sustainability.html.

 

Mastercard is committed to building a more inclusive digital economy that works for everyone.  That includes connecting 1 billion people and 50 million SMEs to the digital economy by 2025 and supporting 25 million women entrepreneurs grow their businesses.