Saturday, August 29, 2020

Talking About Moving Forward

I told myself that I won't be meddling with the issues between my partner and his ex. But there are situations that went off hand. I have nothing against the girl. I feel for her actually. I am not even mad at her. It's just that it bothers me when she started lurking at my page and started talking things about me with her friends, to the point that some of her relatives started following me on my SocMed accounts. 

I don't mind at all at first, but I had this thought in mind that they might cause me trouble soon if they started bothering my kids (out of desperation). 

Hence, I am writing this article to share some ideas/thoughts on how to move on with life despite the fact that you've been crushed to tiny pieces because of the trauma. I am hoping that someone out there might get use some help out of this write up.

Being dumped for someone else is a double punch: Not only do you feel abandoned but you also feel replaced. It’s a biological imperative to guard your mate – and now he or she is with someone else and you’re stuck with the harrowing, awful, alone feeling of knowing that the person you love is loving another. Being left for someone else can also bring feelings of great shame: You may feel inadequate or unable to “keep” your partner. You may feel expendable. And, whatever the characteristics of the new man or woman in your ex-partner's life, you feel less special, less interesting, less attractive. The experience can feel like it has emotionally leveled you.

Here are some keys that might help you move forward with life after the traumatic breakup you had:

1. "Take it one day at a time. Know that there was nothing you could have done differently. They made the choice to leave you for someone else." 

2. "Whatever you do, don't try to get your ex back. Just leave them alone. And for the love of all that's good and holy, do not poke around their Facebook page. It's self-inflicted torture. Give yourself time to feel your way through everything. It is hard at first, but take it from me -- it gets better."

3. "Don't cave into the pressure to let go and move on. The hardest thing for people on the outside to understand is that there is no timeline for getting through this."

4. "First, don't go after the other woman or man -- they didn't make the oath to you. Anger and frustration can fester and in the end it only hurts you. It is not their fault that your partner chose them over you. Find an outlet and get those feelings out. You didn't cheat, your ex did. Mourn the loss of him and your marriage, then go forward. You have to do this alone for a while, so hold off on that new relationship."

5. "This too shall pass. No one ever dies from a breakup."

6. "You're going to have to grieve. I cried a lot. Eventually I learned a few important things, though: I made mistakes in the relationship, too, including communicating poorly. You also realize there are plenty other potential partners out there for you." 

7. "Take care of yourself. The fact that someone left you doesn't mean you're not worthy of love. No matter what happens in your life, you should never abandon yourself."

8. "Embrace all the little things you love but your ex never cared about. Enjoy sleeping in the middle of the bed and eating at the restaurants your ex didn't like. Go and do what you want, when you want. Enjoy the time alone and with your family."

9. "I'm a firm believer that living well is the best revenge. Let your ex see how happy you are without them. Believe me, you may have to 'fake it till you make it' at the start. Focus on doing things that make you happy. Live the life you've always wanted -- the one you may have put on the back-burner for your ex. It's your time now."

10. "Get to the gym. You're going need every endorphin rush you can get."

11. "Show yourself patience and love. See a counselor and work through your issues with them. Don't talk about it at work or on Facebook. Gossip gets around and it will come back to haunt you."

12. "Thank your ex for not wasting your time anymore. Look at it this way: They did you a favor. Your ex is someone else's problem now. Anxiety, be gone!" 

The relationship bug can sting very hard, but we shouldn’t wallow in our sorrows. It is truly better to get over a relationship before it has died and rolled over in its grave. Don’t lose your dignity and plead for the person who dumped you back; in the long run it’s not worth it, and if they dumped an awesome person like you then they are not worth your time.

Most people, at some point in their lives, have been dumped by a guy or girl, no matter their sexual orientation. After being dumped, it’s important to set your life in motion towards the way you want to live it. Even if emotionally you don’t feel like doing so, if you can mentally tell yourself to let go and move in another direction in life, your heart will soon follow your mind’s endeavors. You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep rereading the last one.

As trite as it is going to sound, the best revenge is to forgive, live well, and succeed. The immediate satisfaction is not there; I will definitely grant you that. You know the one I'm talking about. The one you dream about, the one you fantasize about when you are thinking about which revenge you are going to use, and you are picturing the reaction, the stun on their smug face. But the satisfaction is fleeting and will only come back and bite you in the end (either financially or emotionally).

Many people say that "living well is the best revenge," and it is true: if you focus on living your best life that will yield the best outcome for you. While it may be hard to do that at first, continuing to pursue vengeance will only lead to more anger and frustration.

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